To Post or Not to Post: Social Media’s Golden Rules

by Debra Vey Voda-Hamilton, Esq.-Mediator

Social media hit the dog show world like a tsunami. We can share our wins and the birth of that special litter; we can help if someone is in trouble on the road or has a bitch in whelp. Everyone is literally only a few keystrokes away. The Canine Chronicle has been published in its entiretyonline for over 5 years and it runs its website like a real-time newspaper. This allows the reader to give immediate feedback to what they have read.

Yet, the ability to immediately respond to a post or tweet can come back to bite us and cause unwanted conflict. We react in the moment and repent at our leisure. Facebook and Twitter are a gift and nemesis to people who are quick to speak their minds. They feel free to say whatever they think to the benefit or detriment of others. Those ‘others’ then feel the need to respond in kind. It can be as innocuous as wishing someone a Happy Birthday or as insidious as commenting viciously about a breeding program or the quality of an exhibit. Once posted on social media, it is out there for the world to see, intended or not. We can’t take it back. We sometimes forget this!

You know the stories. The handler who complained about his client on Facebook, because his client is not a ‘friend’ only to have one of the handler’s friends ‘share’ the post on his Facebook page where the owner criticized is a ‘friend.’ The breeder who speaks their mind about another breeder’s dog, who happens to be number one in the breed, to a close friend via email which then is mistakenly forwarded to the breeder criticized. Worse yet, the judge who speaks out of turn in a private email about a breeder, their dogs and breeding program while offering some suggestions; then that email unintentionally gets shared with the criticized breeder. Fur flies, no pun intended!

The handler may lose their client, often to the party who shared their comment. The breeder who made the remarks about the number 1 dog has to see the breeder of that dog ringside the following week, along with all their friends…who used to be friends of the commenting breeder. Finally, the judge winds up with egg all over their face when the breeder of the dog discussed answers the private email, line by line in a posting on Facebook. UGH!!

As a user of social media, I have gotten caught up in the rhetoric at times. I then look back on my thread and think, ‘wow, what was I thinking’? Who cares? Why did I think it was important to engage again and again? My trigger is usually a post discussing an instance where conflict is brewing or being energized. I am a sucker for trying to conflict coach from afar! As a mediator of conflicts between people about animals, I like to educate people who are engaging in that conflict conversation about the virtues of mediation over litigation.

In one particular post I recall, an attorney suggested a clause could be put in a breeder sales contract to prevent annoying pet owners from irritating their breeders. As an attorney, myself, it seemed a bit far-fetched and may have been said tongue in cheek. Yet, I engaged and said such a clause would be foolhardy at best. This is a perfect example of how social media can be misunderstood or misused even with the best-intentioned exchanges. I realized the exchange was fruitless when a reader commented that with the government in shutdown is this really the best use of our time? She was absolutely right!

For the New Year, I have adopted three new strategies when it comes to social media. I share them with you here in an effort to help you start the New Year off with a template for avoiding future conflicts from unintended exchanges. I am a hopeless conflict coach and mediator. Take it for what it is worth and implement as/if you see fit.

When you engage in social media why not follow these 3 Golden Rules.

1.) Say only what you would want to hear.
2.) Ask not what you want to say, but what people want to hear.
3.) Wait a full hour/day before posting.

These are not hard concepts to put into practice. The mnemonic SAW makes them easy to remember. I saw it coming and I did it anyway. I saw the light and refrained from adding my two cents. Put the 3-letter word up next to your computer. It will remind you to ask, is it worthwhile to have this exchange? Will it make a positive difference? Will I regret it in the morning? The best scenario is to write a response and hold it for an hour or a day. Posts sometimes get sent by accident. Take care to place it in a folder to assure no unintentional mailing can occur.

In the old days, it took a lot to sit down and write a letter to someone with fond greetings or personal thoughts, wanted or unwanted. Now we can do it in an instant, to our delight or peril. Use the 3 Golden Rules to temper the immediate desire to respond. They are rules that will serve you well!

Click here to read the complete article from the Canine Chronicle The Annual 2013-14 Issue, Vol. 39 Number 1.

Short URL: http://caninechronicle.com/?p=40747

Posted by Alex on Jan 3 2014. Filed under Current Articles. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.