Pondering Priorities As Time Goes By
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122 – February, 2023
By Nancy Talbott
“As time goes by…” This is the phrase that my primary care doctor uses as she explains a particular test result or new nagging ache. I find it a very acceptable way to say that I’m not 40 (or 50 or 60) anymore!
As time goes by. The phrase applies to a bigger picture as well, one which brought me reflection from two recent events.
On this past Christmas Eve I found my almost-93-year-old mother sitting by herself in a calm corner at my brother’s house, weeping silently. The end of my stepfather’s life came at the holidays four years ago, and it makes Christmas a rough time for her (and for us all). We talked for awhile, Mom and I, and held hands as she remembered him, with reassurance that her memories were what keep him alive even now.
Two weeks ago, as I was enjoying a post-Christmas visit in Pennsylvania, a call came from my housesitter that my almost-15-year-old Golden was not eating. This is not a call that any of us want to receive from over 2000 miles away. My old girl came through this scare with no lingering effects, though it threw me into a deep, three-day worry until I could see her myself.
Why mention these moments? Because they have made me reflect on priorities, and on eulogies — the words that we share after a loved one–human or animal–has moved on. In my seventh decade on Earth, and fifth decade in the dog game, I have noted the acceleration of the occasions when I am called upon to write those words of remembrance. And we know, don’t we–even if it sounds harsh–that the heartbreak of losing an animal is often as painful as the agony of losing a family member or friend. As Irving Townsend wrote, “We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached”.
Sweet memories will invariably come along, sometimes quickly, sometimes achingly slowly, when grief holds us captive, and those memories work–over time–to break the chains.
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122 – February, 2023
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