My Ponderables

By Peter Baynes

“Being indisposed for several months after gruesome back surgery,

it has given me the opportunity to reflect and ponder on life in the dog show world, and other frivolous thoughts…”

• Why does the AKC still have an expensive office in Manhattan?

• Why can’t delegates charge a fee?

• Is it because they are not as good as professional judges?

• Do amateur judges not charge a fee because they love the dogs?

• Do professional judges charge a fee because they don’t love the

dogs?

• Why can’t professionals become delegates?

• Why do clubs hold two shows when only one is profitable?

• What is the point of withholding first place in a class?

• Why are none of the past great dogs Grand Champions?

• Are the new Grand Champions better than the old regular

champions?

• Has the relaxation on judges’ soliciting turned into a bragging

contest?

• Did the AKC relax soliciting because so many mentors were advertising their wares?

• Why are there no guidelines for soliciting?

• Why use the word soliciting?

• If you solicit are you a prostitute?

• How can we accept mutts when the AKC says “We are com-

mitted to advancing the sport of the purebred dog.”?

• When will the peasants rise up with pitchforks?

• Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

• If it’s called a show RING, why is it never round?

• If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, can tree sur-

geons be debarked?

• Why are judges listed in alphabetical order, shouldn’t the most

famous be the top of the bill?

• Will PETA try to stop vegetarians from attending dog shows?

• Why do judges have to dress appropriately — appropriately

for what?

• How can a judge, adjudicate Best In Show when he/she is only

approved for one group?

• Why do some mentors hate all the top winning dogs?

• How can a judge who only judges one breed be approved to

judge all-breed Junior Showmanship?

• Why can visiting Canadians and Australians judge a group here

when they are not approved for all the breeds in the group,

whereas British judges are penalized for the same reason?

• Why are all-breed foreign judges allowed to judge multiple

breeds when visiting here, but only approved for one group if

they come to live here?

• Why do some judges hate professional handlers?

• Why are some judges afraid of professional handlers?

• Why are dogs sent around the ring anti-clockwise?

• In measurable breeds why can’t we bring them, in the class, in

size order?

• How many new breeds will have to be recognized to rescue reg-

istration figures?

• Why do ‘fat chance’ and ‘slim chance’ mean the same thing?

• I don’t think there is any all-breed rating for the most Best Op-

posite Sex awards, so why a Best Opposite Sex award?

• If we have dog days, why can’t we have dog nights?

• Why not unwind and spend a very quiet day at the Museum of

the Dog?

• How come you never hear about ‘gruntled’ exhibitors?

• As long as you check and initial the placings, why can’t your

steward mark your book?

• If winners never quit, why quit while you’re ahead?

• Why do owners love their own handler but hate all the other

handlers?

• Shouldn’t the term be “Exceeded expectations” (on this day)

not “Exceeds expectations”?

• Why doesn’t the AKC incorporate the Judges’ teaching methods

of FCI third world countries? Maybe then, they could turn out

all-breed judges almost overnight?

• Should judges be tested for lack of common sense?

• Why do some clubs send members to the airport to pick you up

who will be showing under you the next day?

• Why is it so important to know what drink you require in the

ring? (I’m sure they get some silly answers.)

• How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you’ve

tried some of the others?

• If they have a Reserve Best In Show, will the dog that came sec-

ond to the Best In Show winner in the group be entitled to com-

pete for Reserve?

• Will handlers claim that they nearly went Reserve Best In Show?

• If only the group winner goes through to Best In Show, why

have group placements?

• Why six placements?

• If fourth is for friends, what is fifth and sixth for?

• Ponderable for the future — why twenty groups?

• Why do the delegates love the Best of Winners award?

• Where did they find the judge who judged Best In Show at the

World Show in Paris?

• Had he missed the speed course in Procedure?

• Why do some judges raise questions that have been answered

many times?

• Will Sony’s Robotic Dog AIBO become recognized by the AKC?

• Will there eventually be a Robotic Dog group?

• Why do writers keep getting me confused with Peter Green?

• Why in internet doggy chats is “lose” one of most misspelled

words?

• Why take chances and send them around again, after you’ve

marked your book?

• Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?

• Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

• Is the AKC venturing into unchartered waters?

• How long before the AKC joins the FCI?

• Are these the good old days?

• Why do psychics have to ask the age of a dog?

• Will baby puppies be left in the building overnight?

• Why do winning and bragging and losing and complaining ap-

pear to be the norm?

• Why do foreign judges dream of judging in the USA?

• Why do we learn something new and depressing every day?

• Is a mistake another way of doing things?

• Why are some judges always accompanied by a dog named

“EGO”?

• When does a breeding kennel become a puppy farm?

• Are we seeing the AKC floundering in its own self-inflicted de-

struction?

• Is a stupid mistake a learning experience? If so, does it make you

feel less stupid?

• Why do professionals have no say in the running of their fa-

vorite sport?

• Why can’t we turn disaster into an opportunity?

• Why do too many judges make the judging process too te-

diously complex?

• Why do so many handlers appear to be deaf?

• Are you feeling apathetic if Jimmy cracked corn and you don’t

care?

• Why do we have to throw modesty to the wind when filling

out judge’s applications?

• Why does an eye for a dog, and years of experience, not count

anymore?

• Why does ticking off the boxes become more important than,

“An eye for a dog”?

• Is a casual style of judging underrated?

• How do judges know whether a handler is professional or not?

• Why do some judges complain about the accommodation, like

second-rate Vegas lounge acts?

• Why do some professional handlers want a picture of reserve

winners in a small entry?

• Why do weird people begin to look more like the norm?

• Do some mentors have a new hobby – collecting mentees?

• How many mentees is a mentor allowed to collect?

• Why does no one say “scram”, ” swell” or “gee” anymore?

• Do the stripes on a brindle peel away in the heat?

• Should experienced judges be lumped with novices at seminars?

• Who said, “A puppy mill that loses AKC privileges is in trouble”?

• Has form finally throttled function?

• How do you become a breed expert?

• Are experts prejudiced?

• Would a book entitled, “The Semi-Complete Guide to Being a

Mediocre Judge” sell well?

• Is the AKC the real problem — or their solution to the problem?

• Should judges cut their fee for judging puppies?

• Should there be a warning on Judging Schedules, “May cause

drowsiness”?

• How do Animal Rights Activists control media outlets?

• Is there eventually going to be a class for Grand Champions?

• Who said, “The most important thing about being a dog judge

is the ability to shrug”?

• What prompts the AKC to keep publishing erroneous infor-

mation?

• Does the “IN CROWD” mean “them” but not you and me?

• Has That Old Black Magic lost its spell?

• Why is there no list of all-breed judges on the online directory?

• Are some judges stunningly lacking in intuitive ability?

• Do some judges put up dogs that look like their own breeding?

• Can one name-drop with impunity when talking about the

past?

• Can reasonable people disagree?

• Is it possible to be a successful failure?

• Do ex-professional handlers make the worst judges?

• Do ex-professional handlers make the best judges?

• Is Moon River wider than a mile?

• Is ‘keeping it simple’ frowned upon?

• Is there a kennel named “Fools Paradise Kennels”?

• Are some judges better at guessing than others?

• Is it a fine line between crooked judging and lousy judging?

• Do the AKC’s recent actions prove that they have sense of

humor?

• Do delegates feel the pain of criticism more deeply, as they are

not being paid for their decisions?

• Why do some judges cause more head-scratching than others?

• Is it possible to be totally impartial?

• If you can’t be kind in a critique, should you be vague?

• Is it kind to say, “I like the dog” then point out its faults?

• Why do some AKC judges claim to be licensed while others

are only approved?

• Is it true that fools rush in where angels fear to tread?

• How much should a 50 lb dog weigh? (internet question)

• Should exhibitors be allowed in the Judges’ lunch room?

• Is it possible to be too young to know everything?

• To check on the Superintendent’s alertness, do some judges

purposely make mistakes in their judge’s book?

• Is it an attribute for judges to be calm like a duck on the surface,

but paddling like the dickens underneath?

• If the Rep’s duties are eliminated, should they be compensated

by all-breed approval?

• Is the AKC Complete Dog Book really complete?

• Will the metal in my back melt with all this heat?

• What kind of fool am I?

• Does anyone read my articles?

• Do short phrases indicate a high level of intelligence?

• Was this article really necessary?

Short URL: http://caninechronicle.com/?p=1940