Kindness Counts!

By Sandi Weldon

“I am so disappointed and hurt. Today at the show, I brought my niece to teach her how to show shelties. It was her first time in the ring. I also brought my 12 year old daughter who has shown but hasn’t been in the ring in a few months. When my daughter went to put her dog on the table she did it the wrong way. This would have been easily corrected as I was ringside and could have told her, but she couldn’t hear me because two judges were laughing at her so loudly.  I looked over at them and gave them (mom) eyes and said she is a kid.  They kept laughing and ignored me.  I looked at my daughter who was holding back tears.”

We’re all familiar with the scenario.  In amongst our weekend dog show reports is one in which someone is left in tears following the judging.  It’s most often someone who is new to dog shows, a child or someone who is vulnerable for some reason.  One of us who are more experienced in the dog show world (and have undoubtedly grown a thicker skin) was rude, hurtful or downright mean to someone less experienced.

As described, the events often sound almost incomprehensible.  How could someone be so mean to a child?  Why didn’t they offer help to someone who clearly needed it?  Why would they offer their negative opinion of someone’s dog, clothes, handling skills etc. when no opinion was asked for?  We all know the answers.  Some people need to make themselves feel more important by making others feel small.  Some people are bullies who like to push people around.  And sometimes, people were just thoughtless and didn’t realize how their words or actions might be perceived; how they might hurt someone without meaning to do so.

We need to take a stand.  We need to foster an environment of acceptance of everyone and every dog.  Everyone who is there with their dog loves that dog.  We don’t know each story, but we can imagine many of them.  That dog may be the only thing is keeping that person going.  It may be the only being in that person’s life who loves them unconditionally, and they love it the same way.  Regardless of the story, that dog is undoubtedly much loved and very special to that person.  The attachment to the dog may be similar to one that a person might have with their child.  Dog shows inherently offer an opportunity for people to be disappointed, confused and upset.  We are offering up our much loved companion for judging.  It is a very scary thing to do.  There’s a lot on the line here in terms of emotional vulnerability.  Their much loved dog gets last in its class, or is even excused or disqualified.  It may be something that doesn’t seem that bad to us, like a handling error, a lame dog, the dog soiling the ring or even just looking very different than the others.  A newbie or a child may not understand what happened or exactly why.

That’s when we can step in.  Instead of laughing, pointing fingers or making rude comments, we can help someone feel better.  When we offer a reassuring comment like “that happened to me once”, we can change the whole perception of their day.  It doesn’t take much time or effort and it makes you feel better, too.  In many instances, you can go even further, and offer to help.   Watch the rest of the judging together and explain what’s going on.  Grooming and handling advice may be needed and accepted if tactfully offered.  An invitation to an event, class or dog club meeting makes people feel included.  A friendly conversation can help put people at ease.

Judges have an extra responsibility to be kind, respectful and courteous to each and every person they come in contact with while at the show.  When they walk around the grounds wearing the judge’s badge, they are a very visible representation of the sport of dog shows.  How they conduct themselves and how they interact with others serves as an example for everyone.  Nowhere is this more apparent than when they are actually in the ring.  People are observing their interactions with both the dogs and the exhibitors.  It can be difficult to be patient and kind with a novice exhibitor at the end of a long, hot day, but we must do our very best to make it happen.  I cringe when I hear a story about a judge making someone cry, that’s very likely to be someone who will be lost to the sport of dogs.  All of this is extra important when judging Junior Showmanship.  If you don’t enjoy doing it, please don’t!  Your lack of enjoyment shows, and there are many judges who love to do it and do a fabulous job.  The same goes for stewarding.  The ring steward has a chance to effect the exhibitor’s impressions of our sport even before the judging starts.  The stewards who do a good job and are nice to everyone are noticed and they do make a difference.

This is so very important for all of us and the sport that we love.  Dog shows, and dogs themselves, are under attack.  We need supporters!  We need people to bring their dog to the dog show and feel good about what happens there, to feel like they are part of the group of dog lovers.  Let’s do our best to stop the finger pointing, the unfriendliness and dirty looks and the negative remarks.  Let’s call people on it when we see it happening.  This is something we all can do, and we may even make new friends and new breed fanciers while we do it.

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Posted by chesliepickett on Oct 6 2015. Filed under Current Articles, Featured. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.